Brides for the Bride
by ktface3
Summary: A close look at Pam's relationship... with a magazine.


_A/N: so if you don't know by now, I write oneshots to get the creative juices flowing and to break through writer's block. And so through inductive reasoning, one might conclude that I've been suffering from an acute case of it. Well... you'd be right. I am working on Philly Jam, I swear, but I am having a hard time with the next chapter, so I thought writing this would help. It's something I've had bouncing around in the ol' noggin for a while, and hopefully writing it has done the trick. I'm posting it purely for your enjoyment though, so please, do enjoy._

* * *

Pam was probably the longest-running subscriber to _Brides_ magazine ever. She had signed up for a yearlong subscription when she and Roy first got engaged. It was so exciting to see page after page of dresses and bouquets and invitation stationary, and every time she found something she liked, she would tear out the page and put it in a special notebook exclusively for wedding planning.

Soon, she had three notebooks full of ideas, and was still no closer to actually putting her plans into motion. Sometimes when Roy was out, she would flip through the pages and rediscover the passion she had for all her designs, only to be disappointed later when Roy would shrug them off. He told her they had plenty of time to get married, but according to _Brides_, the styles that filled notebooks one and two were already outdated.

By year three of her engagement to Roy, she wasn't even that excited when the chunky magazine came in the mail. It seemed to be mocking her now, with page after page of happy brides, smiling brides, brides surrounded by bridesmaids and flower girls, laughing and joyful. She couldn't believe she was envious of people who were obviously just models, but Pam couldn't help but be frustrated by the question that always plagued her: when would it finally be _her_ turn to wear that white dress and walk down the aisle?

She had all but given up hope until Roy set a date for them on Michael's booze cruise. June 10th. That would be the day she could have all of her wedding fantasies come true. She began to dream again of heart-shaped bouquets of peach-colored flowers and herself twirling around the dance floor in a strapless white gown. As soon as she got home that night, she took the notebooks out of the back of her closet and began the vigorous planning. And when the ideas finally started to come together, she could see her dreams taking shape and becoming a reality. It was stressful, but it was very exciting.

Then everything changed.

Along with giving her engagement ring back to Roy and freezing two months' worth of chicken and fish, Pam had to call and cancel her subscription to _Brides_. And her notebooks full of ideas, which she had been keeping at the office to plan with and make her workday somewhat productive, were thrown away in the break room's trashcan. She was so ashamed that for weeks she didn't even want to hear the word 'wedding.'

Then she saw Phyllis use all her ideas in her own wedding eight months later. Pam was surprised, but not taken aback by it; she should've known better than to throw away all her plans in a community garbage can, but never suspected Phyllis would go trash-diving and use all the designs she had been developing for years. Seeing all her dreams leaping off the pages of her notebooks and being used on _another_ woman's wedding only depressed her more.

In the months to follow, she did a lot of growing. She finally realized that it was okay if she wasn't with anyone, and that the guy she liked was with someone else. She slowly began to like the person she saw in the mirror, and that alone filled the void that not Roy or Jim or any man could fill. She had her own place, she was drawing every day, and she had even started to stand up for herself. She would stand in line at the grocery store, _Brides_ staring her in the face from the magazine rack, and she would still be able to smile. She didn't need a wedding or marriage to make her happy anymore.

Then everything changed again.

Pam was astounded by how quickly she had gone from single and fabulous to in a committed relationship. It almost seemed surreal in a way, but everything was just so natural with Jim that she didn't feel the need to question it. That's what surprised her the most, how genuinely intimate she found herself being with him, and it opened her eyes that maybe _this_ was what a real relationship was about. If she had been happy on her own, then being with someone who complimented her flawlessly made her positively giddy.

She hadn't thought much about getting married though. Her new outlook that she had gained when she was single had stuck with her, and she found it comfortable. She was enjoying not having a goal to reach, and reasoned that it wasn't like a wedding was the end of the finish line. She was just lucky to have such a great guy, and was happy to take things slow.

But, like almost all women, the day that Jim brought up the mere notion of getting engaged, the switch in her brain flipped back on to start the fantasizing and preparation again. Pam suddenly became mesmerized with the idea of planning the perfect wedding, and then recalled her old friend from so many years ago. She began wondering what was in style now, and what kinds of ideas its writers and editors had come up with recently.

So the next time she was at the grocery store, she casually slipped the latest issue of _Brides_ onto the conveyor belt, telling herself it was just out of curiosity. There was no reason she couldn't look at all the dresses and bouquets and invitation stationary, because she knew she'd be getting married someday. It was perfectly harmless.

She did make a mental note though, to hide it someplace where Jim wouldn't find it.

* * *

_Damn, that felt good. Let me know what you think!_


End file.
